This is the fourth part in the Spellbound Series, check the first three parts here
I plopped my school bag on the chair and went to hug my mum. It had been an amazing day at school. The only thing I regret is being a bit rude to Ravi for his confession. I would apologize to him tomorrow. After all, I couldn’t be rude and a bastard type guy to my best-friend right? He had been, has and will be my best friend. I feel guilty that I have a crush on the same girl as her, maybe I will let him have her- he loves her, I only have a crush on Ananya.
So, with this decision I sat with my mum and told her what happened in the school- saving the best for last.
“You know what, mum? Today I met Ravi.” There, I said it. I told her the truth. Now I think she could tell why I was in a happy mood. I continued before she could even process what I had said,
“Yes mum, he is the same Ravi. Remember first grade? This has been the biggest co-incidence of the day.”
And now recognition dawned on my mother’s face. She then smiled and said, “Good for you Anant, good for you. Well, let me ask you, you said the biggest co-incidence of the day, so, did you have another co-incidence?”
claps for my mum here. She just knows me like I know
myself. She is like my extension. I and my mother have been on good terms
throughout. Even when we were going through a bad phase. We lived as if we were
friends. We both shared most of our stories and thoughts with each other. She
was like my friend who was meant to stay with me throughout my life. Ravi is
someone with whom I want to plan and perform every prank, every nice moment in
my life. I want to create memories with him, which will stay with me throughout
Just then, before I could tell her what was the next incident was, the door-bell rang. Curse it. It had to happen when we were having a heart to heart chat. She went to the door and opened it. I heard a gasp from the other end. I knew why that gasp came. My mom, well, she is simply beautiful. When one looks at her, you can never tell that she is 38. She looks like as if she has just finished college. That’s how nice my mum looked. Well, she had a nice height and black hair- that was complemented by her petite figure and a face on which when had an angry expression, looked beautiful. In short, I must agree, that my mother and Ananya looked kinda alike.
Well, once she had received the letter, she placed it on the table in front of me. She urged me to go on. Okay, very well. Better to get it out of my system, right? So I spilled it, “MumRaviandIhaveacrushonthesamegirl. Hewashisboyfriendbeforeandaftertheybrokeupihaveacrushonher!”
My mum was laughing hard. Very hard. When I looked at her with a questioning expression on my face, she said, “Anant, what you said was just utter gibberish- say it slowly and clearly.” Oh. I could feel my cheeks beginning to heat now. I had to repeat what I spoke. Uh, better get this over with.
“Mum, Ravi and I have a crush on the same girl. Well, not a crush. See, he was her boyfriend before I came and now they have broken up. The thing is I have a crush on the same girl!”
Call me a mamma’s boy, but I loved talking with her and sharing all my thoughts. She and I were on the same level. My father never knew what was going on in my life. Only my mum. We both were like secret keepers of each other.
My mum smiled, but said nothing. She just pointed at the letter she had placed on the table. So, it meant that the letter was more important than our chat. To my surprise, I found that the letter was addressed to me! I quickly picked it up and tore open the seal. It was from Ravi. I began reading it, it went something like this.
I know this is kind of a lame start as who in the world uses the postal letter system these days + who uses Dear? I know, it might seem a bit old fashioned- but it’s me my friend. I need to tell you something which I had never shared with anyone outside my family. I will come to that in a moment.
But first, I must say, I was a bit hurt by your reaction this morning. I know you will be regretting your actions. Even after 10 years, I seem to know you the most among my friends. And I believe that this feeling is mutual.
Well, I forgive you for that. I had expected this kind of reaction. Well, not this in particular, but something like this. I didn’t expect you to be this rude- but what has happened has happened, let it be. I need to tell you this.
Ever since I was born, I discovered that I got easily tired when I was exerting myself. When I was playing, or singing, or even walking a bit faster than normal. Any activity in which I used muscles used up a lot of energy- I seemed to tire quickly and went to pre-faint stage immediately.
It was then when I asked my parents about this condition. They looked at each other for a long time and said that I had a hole in my heart. Yes, I know it might be shocking- but it is the truth. I think you never saw this coming- I might be right.”
Yes, he was right. I felt as if I had been slapped-again. I never expected that my best friend had a hole in his heart. My hands were shaking. I looked up and saw that my mum was looking at me with a concerned expression. I held up my hand with all the fingers open. Her eyebrows went up. It was a signal we used. 1-3 meant good with three at the least with 1 on the most pleasurable. 4-5 meant worse with 5 being the worst.
I again flashed the 5 sign stating that even worse than she thought. Then I motioned to her to sit down and relax. I had to finish this letter before I could give the news to my mother about what had happened.
“So, Anant, when I had a break-up last year (You know of which breakup, I am talking about- right?) I began to take too much stress on myself. I forgot that I was still a student and had a hole in my heart. I began to study to divert my mind from loneliness. That made me stay awake at night for many days. I began to take pressure- fully unaware that I had a hole. Well, I knew that I had a hole, but I had forgotten amongst this whole episode.
So, one day, while in school, I fainted, when I woke up, I was in the ICU. I came to know that I only had around a year left. After that, I might have to go through a lot to stay alive and I might die due to immense pain. The hole in my heart was becoming wider- and the doctors couldn’t do anything.
One day, a doctor came and told me in private that the best option I had was to end my life sometime next year (which is like, in this year) I never told about this to my parents- it was deposited in one corner of my brain.
At that time, it seemed like the best option. I wanted to end my life and get rid of this pain which I had to face every day because of this hole. The pain was becoming greater at every single moment and soon I had to visit to the cardiologist every single month.
The weight of the idea was becoming heavier with every single day. I felt as if I couldn’t survive the next day- but I did as I wanted to live until I couldn’t bear the pain.
At last the day came when I couldn’t take it anymore. So, I decided to end my life the next day. It was then when everybody decided that they should stop shunning me and I became their friend.
The pain became less. I felt alive again. I felt better. I just knew that I had some more time to live on this planet. I savored every single moment and lived my life as if it was my last day today.
Then, yesterday, I had an extreme pain in my chest, I was taken to the doc, and given some pills. That made me feel better- only a bit- but something is better than nothing. That was when the same doc came in and said that it was time that I chose: do I want to continue surviving and living in pain or I want to continue my life. He gave me an hour to ponder on that thought.
I pondered upon that thought. I had also asked that if I didn’t end my life, what would be the consequences, he said that I would have to be on a support device soon and would become bedridden within weeks. I would then not be able to handle the pain, and due to that large hole- I will die quickly.
When I asked them of a heart transplant. He sighed and said, “Son, I am sorry to say this, but we have had your number placed for the first time you came in for the heart transplant, But the thing is, we don’t have the heart which we could place inside you. It’s just not possible. Your number is to come in the next 2 years. And I am afraid to say that till then it will be too late. And when we asked your parents on the topic and told that even if we get the heart- we can get it- it’s around 40-50% chance that your body will reject it as it had to be transplanted while your heart is still beating to make your body accustomed to it. That’s what we call a double heart. It has the least survival rate and we only use it when the heart is weak. Which in your case- is! I am extremely sorry son. It’s up to you. Just let me know within the hour.”
That’s what he said, I remember the words perfectly and I can hear it still. So, yesterday I decided that I had to end my life and I decided to do it today- as I thought, the earlier the better.
And lo and behold, you came in today. My heart really jumped when I came to know your name. I thought that we might never be able to continue our friendship. I decided not to tell you about this situation I had. So, I only told you about my story and when you rejected me- I felt bad only for a moment. And when you saw that I was a bit sad in school- it was because I had to leave you guys. I broke up with Ananya for this reason.
Hope you guys forgive me for choosing the option of ending my life. I couldn’t take it anymore Anant. And I wanted to live by my rules and my choices- you know that well enough from the days when we were young. I couldn’t live the life in which it was governed by medical equipment. My parents accepted my decision- though I very well could see their sadness.
Good bye, Anant. For once and for all.
P.S: You might be reading this letter as the same day when I end my life. I have ended it Anant. Don’t come thinking I haven’t jumped. I deposited this letter when I was coming back from school. As you stayed back to join the football camp- I dropped this letter in the post box. And very well I know that you might be back near 7:00 pm. I am gone Anant, forgive me.
P.P.S: I have left something nice for you and Ananya to do. You should carry on this relationship. Ananya has been broken since I left her. It’s up to you to fix her Anant.
The paper fell out of my hands when I completed reading the letter. A void had been created in my heart- and I could do nothing to control it.
My mother, with her gentle hands, picked up the letter. She began to read it. It took her around 5 minutes to complete, but around 10 minutes to digest on what had happened.
Before she could reply on what she had read, I ran up to my room and closed the door. My house, in the sense of all the other houses is large. Exceptionally large. It has 5 rooms. Well, when one enters through the front door (yep, it has a backdoor too!) they see the posh and sleek design my mum has set up in the sitting area. It’s full of modern look with black and off-white leather sofas.
Then comes the dining area. This is a huge contrast between the sitting area. It’s full of vintage stuff with huge chairs made of wood with spongy cushions that make sitting on them a pleasure! Then there is the kitchen: which too is modern. The main rooms are on the upper floor. The 2 guestrooms are on the ground floor. I entered my room and dived onto my bed. My room had a single bed beside one wall. I also had a bookshelf beside my study table- which was placed in the opposite of the bed in front of the window- which I must accept, is the perfect spot for daydreaming.
I didn’t pay much attention to all this. After I had landed on my bed, I picked up my iPod and pressed the play button. It felt as if even the iPod knew what I was going through when it began the song, Photograph, I was going to keep Ravi in it. He was going to be in a photograph for us all now. Tears began flowing down my face. It kept on going till the song ended. I was shouting the lyrics while Ed was shouting them in my head.
The next song which came up was as if Ravi’s spirit had understood on what I was going through. It’s Time began blaring in my head. I felt better. It was as if Ravi was telling me not to give up hope and begin a new beginning. I felt as if my iPod had deceived me and now it was acting upon Ravi’s orders. Then it kinda hit me. I felt as if Ravi was living through me. I began crying again.
I saw something white swish underneath the door. It was the envelope. I began to wonder why my mum had given me the letter at this hour, when I was at my weakest. I seemed to decide that she might have a nice reason for giving me that dreadful letter back again.
I picked it up. At that exact moment another song began: Shots. Now, I thought I was going mad. How could Ravi play that song? Why did he play that song? It seemed as if Ravi became a part of me now. I was definitely going mad. It seemed as if I had one shot at this thing- whatever it was.
Argh. I was going mad. I have begun thinking as if Ravi is around me. As if he is controlling the songs which are being played right now. I shook my head as if to remove this idea and delved into checking out what the envelope contained.
I tore it open from the other end and saw that there was some writing on the inside. I don’t know how Ravi managed to do that, but this was making me feel better, so I tore it open carefully so that the words won’t get divided.
I flattened it out and began reading what it said.
So, you haven’t given up hope on life. I think you are reading this because you want to know what more I have to say- right?
Remember I said that you had to fix her Anant? Well, I left a series of clues for you to do and make Ananya whole again. Also, you might end up being with her- I think you want that too.
Well Anant, I want a promise that you will do as it has been written on the next page and you have to promise that you will follow the clues.”
Woah. Ravi was igniting my curiosity now. I promised myself that I will do as it said. I wanted Ananya- and as it was Ravi’s last wish, I will do it. I turned the sheet and continued to read.
“Nice Anant. Nice. I expected you to throw the paper, but I see that you are up to the challenge.
The task I set for you is Easy Anant. This will be the first clue, it will contain the details of the next clue and the task you have to do.
Easy at first, right? Well, here it goes:
‘You-Anant- have to do something out of the ordinary for her. You need to write her a letter. A letter describing your feelings for her. Keep it simple yet describe your feelings through it.
Typed will be better as she won’t be able to recognize who sent it.’
As I said Anant, easy first. Complete this task. The next clue or guidance as you may take it will be given to you by
Ananya’s best friend. She
knows what is going on. She will know when you will hide the letter and she
will know what it contains as Ananya shares everything with her.
That’s all for now. Ananya is going to be yours Anant and she is going to be whole.
That's all for now Anant!
Ananya is going to be mine. My breath got stuck in my throat. That was the plus point, but, I had to write a letter and everyone knows that I can’t write. ARGH! Ravi has deposited me in a tight situation. Why did I make the promise! Humph, Ravi knew me the best and till now he was the only one who could understand me- and he still understands me the best even after his death! (
trust me, my eyes still moisten up whenever I think about him dead.)
But I had to keep my promise to him.
So, I began to write the letter, after all, Ananya was going to be mine. And it was this moment when All of me began to play through the ear buds, even the music- or how I called it now, Ravi’s tunes- agreed with me.
In short, Ananya was going to be mine!